I give you a hamburger.

Transcription from a Tumblr post.
Good gods don't let me forget this.

Let's make the cule a unit of measurement
One cule would be
One level of abstraction away from the reality
Of a situation

For example:
You ask me for a hamburger

At one cule:
If you asked me for a hamburger
And I gave you a raccoon

At two cules:
If you asked me for a hamburger
But it turns out I don't really exist
Where I was originally standing
A picture of a hamburger rests on the ground

At three cules:
You awake as a hamburger
You start screaming only to have special sauce
Fly from your lips
The world is in sepia

At four cules:
Why are we speaking German?
A mime cries softly
As he cradles a young cow
Your grandfather stares at you as the cow falls apart
Into patties
You look down only to see me with
Pickles for eyes
I am singing the song that gives birth
To the universe

At fives cules:
You ask for a hamburger
I give you a hamburger
You raise it to your lips and take a bite
Your eye twitches involuntarily
Across the street
A father of three falls down the stairs
You swallow and look down at the hamburger in your hands
I give you a hamburger
You swallow and look down at the hamburger in your hands
You cannot swallow
There are children at the top of the stairs
A pickle shifts uneasily
Under the bun
I give you a hamburger
You look at my face and I am pleading with you
The children are crying now
You raise the hamburger to your lips
Tears stream down your face
As you take a bite
I give you a hamburger
You are on your knees
You plead with me
To go across the street
I hear only children's laughter
I give you a hamburger
You are screaming as you fall down the stairs
I am your child
You cannot see anything
You take a bite of the hamburger
The concrete rushes up to meet you
You awake with a start in your own bed
Your eye twitches involuntarily
I give you a hamburger
As you kill me
I do not make a sound
I give you a hamburger

At six cules:
I give you a hamburger
My attempt to reciprocate
Is cut
Brutally short
As my body experiences a sudden
Lack of electrons
Across a variety of dimensions
You are dis-made
John Lennon hands me an apple
But it slips through my fingers
I am reborn as an ocelot
You disapprove
A crack echoes
Through the universe
In defiance of conventional physics
As cosmological background noise
Shifts from randomness
To a perfect A-flat
Children everywhere
Stop what they are doing
And hum along in perfect pitch with
The background radiation
Birds fall from the sky as the
Sun engulfs the Earth
You hesitate momentarily before
Allowing yourself to assume
The locus of all knowledge
Entropy crumbles
As you peruse the information contained
Within the universe
A small library in Phoenix ceases to exist
You stumble under the weight of
Everything-ness
Your mouth opens up to cry out
And collapses around your body before blinking you
Out of the spatial plane
You exist only within the fourth-dimension
The fountainhead of all knowledge rolls along
The ground and collides with a small dog
My head tastes sideways as
Space-time is re-established
You blink back into the corporeal world
Disoriented
Only for me to
Hand you a hamburger
As my body collapses under the strain
Of reconstitution
The universe
Has re-asserted itself
A particular small dog is fed steak for the
Rest of its natural life
You die in a freak accident moments later
And your soul
Works at the returns desk for the Pheonix library
You disapprove
Your disapproval sends ripples
Through the inter-dimensional void between
Life and death
A small child begins to cry as he
Walks toward the stairway where his father stands