Metamorphosis

Walking silently about the house
Having minor moments of dissociation
I am surrounded by these vital
Elegants
While showers come down
And die right down again

In presence
I cannot control the shedding
Just as I can't control the spread
Of tainted lamb's blood
On the bedding
The sickly scent
It gives me euphoria
A perfect disrupted trinity
My painted hips
My sainted lips
My black honey
My fingertips
All are replaced and remade each night

Le Lendemain.

le lendemain
and then and then

if you do decide
to walk the plank
to blossom out
to lose your mind
shaving your eye-white tusks
crisscrossed for red
convivial lymph
(but I could never love
a pile of ash)
unhook my sutures
burst out of my scars
laid over each other
again and again
over to le lendemain
the scars paint a little love heart

make your presence known
to my drunk and surly phages
my neurons are nearly
burnt all out
the only muscle remaining
that I can feel
(because my skin is charred
coal
barren)
is the smooth striated
fibers
around my heart and out my
aorta
my pulmonary sweetheart
I will take a row of
hypodermic knives
and needles
remove the key from your
jeans pocket
I will make for you
a pair of
angry wings

to fly above the current
and watch the back-formed ghost
that echoes in your eye
and know his flaw

Shape.

Is there no vocabulary
For what I'm hearing

There is no word to define a cadence
Or to crystallize
Reverberation
The music of the world is
Trapped

The free sensory interchange
Interpretive totality
That's my one and only dream

.

Chatter chatter
What's the matter
Cling to cliffs and earthly matter
A slick of oil
A black smattering
Layer ourselves in steel
And prepare now for the shattering

-

Dreams are for yourself
And you can share
If you really wish
No one's dreams can be forced on another
There's no such thing as ownership
Possession counts for nothing

.

Carrying cups of tea to my room
I mitigate the spilling of the
Life blood
It burns my hand
I let it

My mathematics teacher lied to me
She claimed that it would help
To think and proceed through the motions

I have my own solution
To the life blood equation
My solution is
Don't think

Don't think for a second that
Hope is gone
Don't think
Don't think
Don't think

Yes I am talking to myself
Should anyone be listening
I thank you for your time

Fear is the mind-killer.

I don't have the words to express how I feel, so I'm going to steal the words of a few things and lay them out here as a reference for myself.

• I must not fear
  Fear is the mind-killer
  Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration
  I will face my fear
  I will permit it to pass over me and through me
  And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path
  Where the fear has gone there will be nothing
  Only I will remain

The Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear; Dune, Frank Herbet

• Well I've been bound and gagged
  I've been terrorized
  I've been castrated
  And I've been lobotomized
  But never has my tormentor come
  In such a cunning disguise
  I let love in
  I let love in

I Let Love In; Let Love In, Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds

And this is just something from French studies that stayed with me:

• One of the things that defined surrealism, in fact the driving philosophy of surrealism, was the departure from rational thought. Most of the techniques the surrealists employed in their art were designed to bypass rational thought: the juxtaposition of unrelated objects to confound rational interpretation, automatism, shock and violence. This rejection of rationalism was a rejection of the ordering of French society itself. A defining feature of the establishment of the Third Republic was the solid foundation of rationality, which came to manifest itself as a society founded on reason, logic, and science: an efficient society free from the shackles of superstition. In the aftermath of the Great War, the progenitors of the surrealist movement figured that the advancement of rationality and a logical society had led to a profoundly illogical end. An efficient society had been geared into a war machine.
  The only course of action was simple (to the French, naturally): an irrational revolution. A complete overhaul of the then predisposed manner of perception. It was necessary to free the French people from rational thought. Logic is a cage that only allows itself.

There is no space here for rational, ordered, logical thinking. That would lead to something horrific.

Vacuous rhymes because reasons.

As a blind man
Running from a black
God
Dead trod
Smoke sod
Rising from a
Hell train
Grease stain
Dull pain
Opens up the
Old wound
Ungroomed
Harpooned stuck against the
Back wall
Grace fall
Hoarse call
Right down to the
Blind man