unfinished, unfocussed

Let me take a biopsy of
Your cardiac musculature
Let me extract your genome
And compare our STRs
Let me find what caused this analogy
Because we do not share a clade
I'd be loathe to call this parasitism
When science has a better word
Mutualism is our evolutionary joie de vivre

Dialogues.

It was like the Platonic myth
Smelted to a filigree
Forced into an ear hole
And poked into the thalamus
The story had layers
And fine print
And a rigidity like the immutable castes
Where walls are the end of the world
Where walls are the end of the world's webbed way
When trapped in indefinite motion
Moving surreptitiously
In an external dimension of light
I am halbermensch
The cave-dweller
Comfortably taught the myth of creation

Ishtar.

You make me feel like a kid
Again
In nice
And not nice ways

I am luxuriously giddy
At the prospect of potential
(I touch you and my brain
Turns into molten plastic)
Of all the synapses we might extend
Toward one another

Here, for every stumble forward
There is recoil in my muscles
(This is a fear I have not felt
Since I was very young)
There are avenues within me that
Beg new exploration
Stoppers I now have to throw away
It's impossible to tell what I looked like
Before those things

I will not be a glacier
I will tear open my skull
And produce an offering of my barest self
I'll find the anxiousness inside me
And harness its pure energy
To erode away the cold sheer face of the glacier
The enemy

And on Easter, how appropriate
That I might realise a rebirth
Peck peck pecking at the eggshell
To smile into the dawn

You are warmth upon my fresh face
You voice is the cadence
Of the very first breath

Evolution.

By the end of today

I'll attach a gravity to several things

Banal, flighty, uncontained

And let them sink me down

Where the fish bones keep

Where the sea is deep

Rich with a thousand million tiny monsters

Too prismatic for chance

By the stroke of the hour

I will make new bones

And drink all the saltwater I can find

Effluent will pour from my mouth and the plants

Will make me green

I am full up

My muscles and the built up waste

Let nothing pass my cavity

Except oxygen, ions, bare essentials

Whirling around the knots of my musculature

Screeching into electrical balance

By the end of the year

Two things may occur:

I will be porous and brittle

Supported by the network of spongy skeleton

And pierced all sides by water

Or perhaps, more likely

I will exoskeletally reinforce my skin

And spit wax on the ground and burrow

The final split is never far

It is ever ongoing

.

Every separate moment that I

Am reminded that you exist

Is another smile that I get to keep

A sudden breath

A skip in my step

A writhing in my sleep

Unfortunate.

You are
(And would that that
Were enough to describe you)

Green and floral
And extending out beneath the ground
To eat the water of the earth
Hungrily living and flowering and dying
A four-coloured circle
An endless loop

Sinking ships and ocean earthquake
Striped waves and the
Foam-wrecked shoreline
An infant turtle
And the tern and the gull
Your wings are grey
You are

An endless list
And a single word
A phrase
A truth
You are

The khopesh
Claymore
Bastard sword
The battering ram made of a bull's head
You are

Another eternity of adjectives and nouns
That I am not able to say for the time
That they would take
From being by your side

New scars.

1a.
Buy the lockpicks
Open the door
Put a hand out into the sun
Burn a little bit
Dart back to the dark
1b.
Numb the burns
In ice cold water

2a.
Throw out your whole arm
This time
Fuck the pain
Some things are hard
Don't you want to stand in the sun?
2b.
Repeat 1b.
Let the tears come
If they have to

3a.
Are you ready?
Hell no
You'll never be
(not completely)
So jump
You heard me right
Be the Icarus you always wanted
To be
3b.
Keep climbing towards the sun
Because you
Will
Get there one day

4.
Don't be afraid to fall